Anonymous asked: Do you have any advice for someone who's spent years feeling like they don't belong to either gender?
hmm, i’d first like to say that this is a tough question for me to answer because although i have recently been exploring the meanings, implications, and effects of gender and am trying to become a better ally, i personally identify as a cis-woman and am not sure i can speak for this specific experience. soOo please feel free to call me out on anything that i say that is problematic.
in terms of giving others advice about gender, however, i think i would say to just try out different things and see what feels right. that is, you can experiment with being more “masculine” or “feminine” (and anything in between) to see what feels most comfortable for you. i’d also add that what feels good today may not feel good tomorrow, and that is perfectly okay! so please just try not to be hard on yourself if you still find yourself struggling in trying to align how you feel about your outward presentation vs. your internal identification.
to me, similar to how i see sexuality, i believe gender is fluid, or a spectrum. namely, i don’t think it’s a binary that is solely defined by being a “man” or a “woman.” rather, it is a social construction—or something that society has created and designated meaning to and therefore not an inherent, unchanging thing. but! simply because it can be changed does not suggest that the meanings assigned to it are easy to change, especially when we live in such a binary-gendered world. sadly, people are still oppressed and discriminated against every day due to their gender identity and/or presentation, especially if it is one that does not stereotypically fit the very narrow definitions of what it means to be a “man” or a “woman.” and some people who have the privilege to not question their own gender (or have it questioned for that matter) thus feel entitled to be assholes. and if this has ever happened/happens to you, i am so sorry for the shitty and/or ignorant people out there that tell you that you’re not “normal” or that you don’t belong or that you shouldn’t act the way you do. you’re perfect for who you are, and i promise that you don’t deserve that treatment in any way. no one does.
finally, two things i’m a big advocate of is 1) surrounding yourself with good people who respect your identities and 2) finding a social network or community that understands what you’re feeling… or at least people who can empathize with you and validate your very valid feelings. if you have access to gender support groups too, they might be helpful; i know for me, i am in a queer support group that immensely helps me navigate my feelings about life, so perhaps a group focused on gender could offer you more resources. also, if you want to message me privately off of anon, i’m sure i’d love to talk with you.
i hope this helps in some sort of way at least a little..!
"I go through phases. Somedays I feel like the person I’m supposed to be, and then somedays, I turn into no one at all. There is both me and my silhouette. I hope that on the days you find me and all I am are darkened lines, you still are willing to be near me."
Mary Kate Teske (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
“boys will be bo-“
*punches you in the face*
bOYS WILL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
"Thanks. It has pockets!"
every girl ever responding to a compliment on a skirt/dress that has pockets (via spookypuke)
i honestly didn’t know feeling this comfortable was even possible